Tuesday, July 21, 2009


I never thought I would be that person that talked to her cat. I mean, I have a boyfriend and friends and a semi-active career. And yet I find myself:

"Charlie. I have in this bag three kinds of cat food which I have purchased with my own money because you haven't eaten in two days. I know you are doing this just to get to me. So here....I will lay out these three boxes of dried cat food and you will pick the one you want....no Charlie...that's the empty bag from the store. That is not one of the choices....Ohh...ok, the purina indoor cat food? The most pedestrian choice, but then you seem to adore wasting all the expensive stuff I buy you, so it makes sense. Here you are, some in a little bowl. No? Two sniffs and then you walk away huh? OK. Here is some meat juice from a can of wet food that I know you won't eat. Good lick away, lick all that juice up...now EAT THAT FOOD. OH FINE. WALK AWAY CHARLIE. JUST WALK AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER WHO LOVES YOU. GOD I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS UNLESS YOU EAT SOME FOOD!!!"

Then I tore up the couch in rage.

Also, I promised myself I would go to the Brooklyn Museum today and if it was closed, I would have to do yoga twice. It's closed.



Shatraw said...

i can't wait until this is our kids and not our cat.

"mommy will be right back. she's dangerously close to choking you and needs a breath of fresh air."

natalie said...

Its ok to talk to your cat...really it is! (Because it justifies my behavior!)

Abbi Crutchfield said...

Sorry your cat is rejecting your nuturing, and therefore, you. Look on the bright side: maybe he has a tapeworm.