TODAY IN MY NEW FAVORITE COMPANY:

While walking to the g train today I was annoyed by a group of trucks and men pouring cement into a house lot and blocking the entire sidewalk. Grumpy as I was to have to walk in the street, the inconvenience ended up being a secret surprise as I turned my head and saw the name on the huge concrete pump:

Putzmeister.

Wait, it looks better with an exclamation point.

Putzmeister!!

Thinking I had stumbled across some poor schmuck with the last name that translated into "Penis" "Man" (rough Yiddish translation- my own) and then decided to start a cement pump company, I was delighted.

A little research proved that it was in fact a German company, and that "Putz" in German means "finery", based in the Germen word "putzen" for "to decorate, especially to adorn a church."

Boooring. Who knew that two putz' could have such different meanings? Also proof that Germans are not as fun as Yiddish speaking Jewish Persons.

BUT you know what, its still hilarious, for you see we have a company called:

Finery Master!

Which "Since 1958, [Putzmeister] has developed into one of the leading global providers of concrete pumps, tunnel machines, industrial pumps, mortar machines and professional high-pressure cleaners."

Hire them today!!!!

Also "penis" is German is Penis!!!!!!

BUT colloquially its more referred to as "Schwanz".

So that would have been Schwanzmeister!!! Come on!!!!

note: I just called my friend Bryan who speaks German and asked him how to say penis. I have really, really, good friends.

TODAY IN PICTURE FROM THE FRINGE:

http://capfringe08pix.blogspot.com/2008/07/dorks-on-loose-it-i-awkward.html


Check it out!!!!

TODAY IN METS:

My buddy Slanch has a really sportsy blog, which I enjoy but don't entirely "get" all the time. I was jealous that I could not also write sports posts. But tonight we were all watching the Mets together and this amazing thing happened:

Shot: Pitcher Duaner Sanchez winds up. He is wearing a dusty hat.

Keith Hernandez: That hat has seen some wars!

Gary Cohen: Peloponnesian?

Take a moment.

In the moment of banter around a dusty hat Gary Cohen brought up which war?

Peloponnesian.

I am astounded.

And David Wright got a sweet hit in the top of the 9th that tied the game!

Peloponnesian.

I fucking love baseball.

TODAY IN POLICE ACTION!!!!!:

My friend Jeremy and I just witnessed a police cruiser on 8th Ave. flip on its silent lights and cruise through a red light to make a turn onto 35th St. On closer inspection both the driver and his partner were hold containers of Yolato frozen yogurt.

We identified one of the toppings as Raspberry.

THERE IS NO EMERGENCY IF YOU ARE EATING YOLATO!!!! THERE IS NOT CRIME EMERGENCY WITH YOLATO!!!!

.........

YOLATO!!!!!!

TODAY IN NEW OBSESSIONS:

The Denise Richards show. I love this insane woman. I love the production company that signed on to make this "reality show". I love that this show is so well shot and edited that when Denise calls her sister in the middle of the night because she can't sleep, not only are the cameras in her bed room apparently for hours and hours but MAGICALLY there are cameras in her sisters room too!!! That was lucky!!!

I also love LOVE LOVE how much Denise drops the name of the TWO MOVIES she was in: "Wild Things" -1998 and "The World in Not Enough"- 1999. And how everyone around her brings them up like they just happened.

And her interactions with other people are amazing. And totaly real. Here is a clip. Enjoy the realism:



I love this show. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to TV. Worse then that sitcom they tried to make about Abe Lincoln and his black friend. You remember? The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer.

This is worse.

And here is a clip from The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer:

TODAY IN HORN, IE, TOOTING MY OWN:

Check out this article about Delusions of Spandex in the DC Fringe Fest:

"Last week we visited one production because the name sounded funny, because there were no wigs or tacky costumes in the publicity photo and because the theater was air-conditioned ( crucial, folks). "Dorks on the Loose: It I Awkward," at the Warehouse, turned out to be a gem. It's the brainchild of Phaea Crede, 26, and Becca Jones, 27, who run a monthly sketch-comedy show on New York's Lower East Side under the name Delusions of Spandex. Both have training in theater and performance, including time in classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade, but "Dorks" is refreshingly un-highbrow: Over six sketches, the ladies skewer cellphone dependence (that sketch was originally written in a bar, the pair tells us by phone from New York), that "scourge on society" known as the hipster and "women's news." Where Jones is giddy, Crede is deadpan; it adds up to an exuberant 30 minutes. "Dorks on the Loose: It I Awkward" is Saturday at 3 p.m. and midnight. $15. Warehouse Beyond, 1017 Seventh St. NW."

MOTHER FUCKING YAH!!!!!


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/16/AR2008071603033.html

TODAY IN CAB DRIVERS:

Just in case you wanted to know everything about my cab driver last night here it is:

- He has been driving a cab for 3 months.

- He had prostate cancer.

- His ass is all raw from sitting and he pees in a container, which he showed me.

- He used to be a salesman for a mid-level clothing store that sold to TJ Max and Strawberries, "you get me"?

- He made the mistake of switching to a different company for a larger 401 K and they fired him.

- He almost married a multi-millionaire who lived near Rutgers but the womans gay brother told him that it wasn't a good idea because it was obvious he liked the son of the woman more then the woman her self.

- His accountant made some bad decisions in the 90's (note, NOT investment broker) and now he is broke. And he lost his apartment on West 81st by the Museum.

- He is 62.

- He was set up with a woman who has 4 degrees, one from Harvard and three from BC and BU in developmental psychiatry. She lived in Boston and she looks like Mother Goose. But is the sweetest woman he ever met.

- On their first date she took in to the MFA.

- On their second date they were eating lobsters at the shore.

- This woman has a daughter in college. The daughter played ice hockey in high school and got a scholarship to Ainsley, Harvard and Brown. Her father told her to go to Ainsley because they would let her start playing hockey freshman year. She turned down Harvard and Brown to go there.

- He and Mother Goose were going to move to a one bedroom and out of his studio when he got prostate cancer and she had a stroke. He is clear from the cancer now but she can't get an operation because it affected her medulla oblongata but pulling it to the right of her head. She is in physical therapy for that as well as depression.

- If a woman loses a breast and the man leaves her, he didn't love her. (This was a metaphor I believe).

- He has never heard of Greenpoint, BK.

- If I was paying with a Credit Card he would like the biggest tip because the company takes 5% of tips and fares.

- He takes women right to their doors because thats the kind of guy he is.

I personally, did not want to know any of that.

TODAY IN THE DC FRINGE FESTIVAL:




DELUSIONS OF SPANDEX ARE…DORKS ON THE LOOSE: IT I AWKWARD*
WRITTEN AND PERFORMED BY PHAEA CREDE AND BECCA JONES
DIRECTED BY PAT BAER
PRODUCED BY HANNAH HESSEL

*SKETCH COMEDY FOR THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE, AND IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

THURS 7/10 @ 8PM
FRI 7/11 @ 8:30PM
SAT 7/12 @ 7PM
SUN 7/13 @ 4PM
SAT 7/19 @ 3PM
SAT 7/19 @ MIDNIGHT

AT WAREHOUSE - BEYOND
1017 7TH ST, NW 20001

RED, GREEN OR YELLOW LINE TO GALLERY PLACE/CHINATOWN
(RIGHT AROUND FROM THE FRINGE FESTIVAL BOX OFFICE!)

$15 (PLUS $5 FRINGE BUTTON)

TO PURCHASE TICKETS GO TO: CAPITALFRINGE.ORG
OR CONTACT THE FRINGE FESTIVAL OFFICE AT: 202.962.0037

PART OF THE 3RD ANNUAL CAPITAL FRINGE FESTIVAL

BE THERE!!!

and let me know if you can't afford it! we get some comps.

TODAY IN PEOPLE TRYING TO BE ORIGINAL:



I met a baby recently and so I now have babies on the mind. Babies rule! And thinking up names for your future babies is a valid and not obsessive past time. I spend most of my day doing it! Which is why I was delighted to find an article on yahoo news (my only news source!) comparing the most popular names from 1950 to last year:

Most popular boy/girl baby names in 1950:

1. James / Linda
2. Robert / Mary
3. John / Patricia
4. Michael / Barbara
5. David / Susan
6. William / Nancy
7. Richard / Deborah
8. Thomas / Sandra
9. Charles / Carol
10. Gary / Kathleen

Here's the list from last year:

1. Jacob / Emily
2. Michael / Isabella
3. Ethan / Emma
4. Joshua / Ava
5. Daniel / Madison
6. Christopher / Sophia
7. Anthony / Olivia
8. William / Abigail
9. Matthew / Hannah
10. Andrew / Elizabeth

I am simply having a IMPOSSIBLE time accepting that Isabella is the second most popular name for girl babies!! How disappointing for all those parents who think they are giving their girl a special exotic name (no Mary's here!) and BAM every other kid at Baby Loves Disco has the same handle.

Also, MADISON??? Really? I mean thats a cute name but the 5th most popular!!!??? Its like the alternative name for super-meek people. Too afraid to go all the way to Apple or Fuchsia, but ahhh Madison, how alternative it is. Sure, as alternative as DAVE MATTHEWS BAND.

I feel bad for boys. It seems like no matter how much time has passed their names never get any better. And even though it's my Dad's name I really wish people would let "Michael" rest for a while.

And lets bring back Gary!! Can you imagine a baby called Gary??

Speaking as a person who can google her first name and find herself, it depresses me to think about 1,000,000 Madison's out there wanting to be all special and just being like Susan 2.0.

Lets all give our babies awesome original names for the future. See this blog for some ideas!

TODAY IN BAD DAY AT WORK:

I got posted on a great blog called Bad Day at Work about baaad work days. Please read my thing!!! In a new form!

Read it here

Cheerio!!

Phaea

TODAY IN I AM GLAD THAT I LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE I KEEP THINKING ABOUT A LINE IN A CARTOON I LIKE AND I CAN GOOGLE IN AND FIND THE CLIP EXACTLY ON YOUTUBE:



Go Team Venture!

TODAY IN AWESOMENESS:




I am crying so hard! These women RULE!!!!!!!!!!

Go California!!

TODAY IN MISUNDERSTANDINGS FROM THE PAST:
When I was 16 years old I got my first job: Working at the GAP in Harvard Sq.

I was wide eyed and naive at 16 when it came to the world of "normal people". I was a bit of an off beat kid, sort of like now, only with worse hair. Consequently, many of the odd things went on at the GAP were just chalked up to "normal people" choices. For example: intense love for pleated khakis, customers that needed help finding a shirt they were looking directly at, or V neck sweaters.

During my training I was walked through the basics of manning the register and using the stock room, my manager showed me a set of keys.

"These are for the (whispered) leather."

And immediately I assumed from her whispered tone on the word "leather", that she was referring to a stock of leather sex toys and apparatus that the GAP had on the sligh, but some people knew about. And I completely accepted it because this was a strange adult world.

And even though I saw the key being used over and over again to unlock expensive leather jackets off the floor displays, it was many many YEARS until I finally realized that the GAP did not have a secret menu of leather dildos in the back room that I had just never seen when I had worked there.

I was a bit disappointed.