Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Welcome! This blog is no longer current.

Hello and thank you so much for visiting the Blog of Phaea Crede. While this blog is out of date, it is still a fun read.

To see my current work please visit: phaeacrede.com

But, feel free to look around here and enjoy my ramblings as a younger woman.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012


TODAY IN RUPAUL'S ALL STARS DRAG RACE 




With RuPaul's All Star Drag Race only days away, I've had to face some hard facts about myself and the obsessive trance each season if this show puts me in.  Finally, I had to admit:

Hello, my name is Phaea and I am a Rupaul-aholic.  And these are my 12 steps to Ru-covery. 

1) We admitted we were powerless over watching RuPaul’s Drag Race—that our lives had become unmanageably fabulous.

Whenever this show is on I don’t just watch it. I LIVE IT. I watch each episode at least twice, including Untucked. I call up my friends to discuss what happened/who we love/who we HATE. I call the man who sells me coffee “girl”, tell my dog he looks fierce and replace the phrases “good”, “cool”, “all right”, “great sex honey” with WERK! I think I am a 6-foot tall glamazon who makes her Queens boulevard a cat walk and not a tomboyish girl with a extensive collection of sweat pants. Halleloo!

2) Came to believe that a sickening Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I’ve accepted the only way out is deeper in. In honor of All Stars I spent money I don’t have to download the past seasons from so that my son and I can watch them together as part of his education. For a two month old he seems to really like it.
He’s heard the word “bitch” 700 times.

3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of RuPaul as we understood Her.

Obviously.

4) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our inner T.

All right, I admit it: I have never gone to a live drag show.  I am too lazy and sleepy to go out at night and I have been for years. But I really, really love drag queens. RuPaul, you serve me what I want with out having to leave my couch/put pants on. And that’s the t.

5) Admitted to RuPaul, to ourselves, and to another RuPaulaholic the exact nature of our bustedness.
           
RuPaul. I am not wearing make up right now.  In fact, I never do.

6) Were entirely ready to have RuPaul remove all these defects of boogerdom.

I promise I will wear make up next time I go out. And heels at least once in the coming year.

7) Humbly asked Her to remove our bad hemlines (of the mind).

On second thought, isn’t the message REALLY to be our selves? I’ll leave being fabulous to the professionals and stick with my sweatpants.

8) Made a list of all contestants we LIVE FOR and pray that they all win.

 Pandora Boxx with your hilarious mugging, the lady/alien that is Nina Flowers, the Queen with a heart of gold aka Alexis Mateo, Latrice Mother Fucking Royale…AH! I love each and everyone of you and I have no idea where my allegiance will…I FORGOT SHANNEL!!!

But my women’s intuition says Manila Luzon for the win. Did you SEE her in the preview?

WHY CAN'T THEY ALL WIN?!

9) Made direct amends to contestants we talked trash about wherever possible, except when to do so would read them or others.

Raven. When you first appeared in season two I didn’t get it. I thought you were mean and cold and a little bit scary. 

But you know what? I love you! Because you are mean and cold and a little bit scary.


10) Continue to take personal inventory. And don’t fuck it up.
           
I promise I will try to respect what the judges say even though Santino Rice once compared Pandora’s to a crack whore and Michelle Visage accused Alexis of looking like Hip Hop by way Hannah Montana.
Girl, what?!

11) Sought through prayer and well blended foundation to improve our conscious contact with RuPaul as we understood Her, praying only for knowledge of Her will for us and the power to love our selves, because IF we can’t do that how the hell can we love someone else? Can I get an Amen?

Lemme get serious for a moment and switch to my preacher voice. This is a show that does not feature mainstream performers. These girls are not trying to be models or America idols or top chefs. They are drag queens! They cross dress for success and take it to the next exotic level of fabulousity. To badly quote Lydia Deetz, they are strange and usual. I myself feel strange and unusual. And I reckon that many, if not all, Drag Race fans also feel a bit different, a bit weird, a bit of an outsider in the mainstream society. And watching this silly reality show shows us…hell, ME…that I am fabulous no matter what. Amen.
Category is...Stay at Home Mom Couture 
12) Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to blossoming RuPaulaholics, and to watch and rewatch every episode of RuPaul’s All Star Drag Race forever.

And may the best woman win! 
Want more? Check out the LAST time I wrote about how much I love this show!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

TODAY IN "ON THE ORIGINS OF SPEAKING"

Over time even the most popular sayings and adages can warp and change, sometimes shedding whole segments that render the original meaning obsolete. Below are some examples.

Note: Common usages are in bold.

- Happy as a clam at high tide

- The proof of the taste is in the pudding

- Beggars and the Irish can't be choosers

- Haste makes waste makes chaste makes taste makes shmaste

- Better safe then sorry you drowned a friend/lover

- If at first you don't succeed try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try again

- One bitten, twice shy, thrice a total ass bag

- It takes two to tango, four to quadrille, and twelve for a kick line; there I've explained dance to you 

 - Don't look a sick horse in the mouth 

 - All the good roads lead to Rome, but the shittiest ones all take you home

- Nothing ventured, maybe something gained, you never know

- What goes around, comes around, not

- There is more then one way to skin the cat, oh I'm sorry that's a horrible thing to say, many apologies. 

Pretty interesting, right? 

Monday, July 09, 2012

TODAY IN POLICE REPORTS THAT ARE TOTALLY REAL


I think I saw this on smokinggun.com or something....

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

THOUGHT OF THE DAY JUNE 27th

The nights where I go to sleep with my hair wet and then wake up with a gorgeous head of curls prove to me there is a God and God is FABULOUS.


This has been the thought of the day. 



Sunday, April 22, 2012


TODAY IN CONSPIRACY THEORIES



I am a big supporter of paranoia because it makes life more interesting. Even when I'm having a great day that gentle worry at the back of my head that I could be killed by an anti-terrorist drone really keeps me on edge. That's why I find it extra important to believe every single conspiracy theory that I hear. For my edge. Thus, I present the:

Full List of Conspiracy Theories That I Believe! as of 4/22/2012

- JFK was an inside job by the FBI/LBJ/The Mob
- RFK was an inside job by LBJ (personal theory)
- Tupac faked his death and is living in Jamaica 
- 9-11 was an inside job/they knew it was going to happen and just didn't really stop it, plus they blew up the buildings to make it look better
- Flight 93 was shot down by the government
- Katie Holmes was pregnant with Chris Klein's baby when she met Tom Cruise and she faked being pregnant after the baby was born too early to make the Tom Cruise timeline. 
- Beyonce used a surrogate
- Trig is Bristol Palin's baby 
- Nicholas Cage/John Travolta are ageless vampires
- Courtney killed Kurt
- They faked the moon landing
- Roswell was real and covered up by the government
- The government listens to all of our phone calls and checks all of our Internet access legally, oh wait that is true. 

I don't believe that the rich are filling a rocket with resources and are planning to flee in the Earth before the comet hits in a few years, but I could be convinced. Very easily. 

And if you are a member of the government, I am totally joking. Hahahhah comedy blog.