Thursday, February 28, 2008


The two big enemies of my life are my brain and my stomach. One is always trying to convince me to think crazy things (IE- chicken with bones in it is inedible, it's all right to swear around children, I am better then everyone else because I don't run for trains) while the other is constantly tripping me up by having stabbing pains or random moments of rolling nausea based on it's mood. And some times the bastards team up and try to take me down. Last night they came pretty close. Here is how it went:

(at a bar)
BRAIN: Hey, lets drink a Guiness after work! We deserve it!

STOMACH: Ohhh man, this Guiness taste a little funky....

BRAIN: It tastes delicious! Drink another one!

STOMACH: Oh man...I feel really weird.

BRAIN: Me too...all cloudy...I know...$1 pizza!

STOMACH: That sounds really good!!

(at pizza place)

I want two pieces of pizza.

That sounds great to me! I love Pizza!

STOMACH: Ohhh this pizza makes me feel upset.

BRAIN: Shut up and eat your pizza.

STOMACH: Ohhhh I don't know if I want it anymore...

BRAIN: You paid good money for that pizza! You can't just through your money away, what with today's recession! You love pizza! Eat it all.

I do love pizza.

(at home)

STOMACH: Oh man, I am so upset about this pizza. I feel rotten. I want to lay down on myself and rest. Ow, it hurts so much.

BRAIN: I know! Lets get upset about our long distance relationship out of no where!

STOMACH: Oh god...stress makes me hurt so much more....oh god...

I am so illogically upset about things that are perfectly fine!

STOMACH: Oh god...

I want to cry on the phone....!

STOMACH: Oh it hurts..!!

BRAIN:...for two hours!!

STOMACH: I died.


1 comment:

Chris Serico said...

(Slow clap.)