Wednesday, February 08, 2012


I borrowed this from Check it out!

Now, I am not a farm biologist or a veterinarian but it occurred to me yesterday as a goat popped up in a TV commercial (no idea what the product was, may as well have been goats) that goats are really fucking weird. Like, out of no where weird. The more I thought about it the more I obsessed. 

1) They have rectangular pupils. How does that happen in nature? Nature isn't suppose to have any right angles and the pupils of a goats eyes are totally geometrically perfect with edges and Pi and "what not". Was it a mistake that just happened to evolve? says they evolved that way so the pupil can line up with the horizon and thus give greater depth perception. That's fucking cool. Also, toads, sheep and octopi appear to have rectangular pupils as well. Is there a horizon underwater? Whatever. It's still the weirdest on goat. The horns and the rectangular pupils make goats all look like Satan's little helpers prancing merrily here on earth. 

2) Goats smell like goat cheese. Next time you are at Drumlin Farm in Massachusetts (or equivalent) give a goat a good friendly petting and then smell your hand. You will be hit in the face by the odor of artisanal, easy to spread, chévre. My mother hates goat cheese and she can't even go near goats because of this.What the fuck is that? How does something smell exactly like a product that is created from a secretion of the female's mammary glands?  Why is that something that happens? The internet has no back up for this so you have to just go smell for yourselves. 

3) The whole "eating everything including tin cans" myth is kind of true! It's not like goats will go out of their way to find a yummy tin can to eat, but they will chew on ANYTHING to see if it's food before (potentially) discarding it. It's called "browsing" as opposed to "grazing". Any other animal who has an eating system based on chewing anything it finds to see if it's edible died out really early, but goat fucking love it and they live on. 

All in all, goats are my new favorite animal. They are a sheep without the charm that smells like cheese, can lock onto the horizon, and will attempt to eat anything. In 200 more years they will add lasers and rocket farts and be flying all over the sky trying to destroy skyscrapers because they don't like their aesthetics. 

And I for one welcome our new goat over lords and am happy to give them as much hay as they want. 


Kablack said...

I drew a cartoon way back about how weird octopi are. I was obsessed with their weirdness briefly. Quickly stated, they have LEGS coming out of their HEADS, like that damn thing from John Carpenter's The Thing. Freaky.

The South Side Dream said...

That's informational and hilarious. Thanks for the info.

The South Side Dream said...

That's informational and hilarious. Thanks for the info.