TODAY IN BEING A PROBLEM EATER:

My one goal for my life was to be strong and never cause waitress' problems. Both of these wishes have been shattered by my delicate stomach I gained late in my 20's. Just now, at the coffee counter I said this phrase:

"Can I have granola with fruit and soy milk (ed note: which is bad enough) but can you give me half of what you usually give me because it's too much and I can't finish it...and I feel guilty."

The above is an accurate portrayal as to how I have to order food all the time now. Here are some other favorites:

Is it a cream based sauce?
Is there alcohol in it?
Decafe please!
I don't like chicken.
...but with no tomatoes.

See my hell. Live in it with me!