TODAY IN CRANK 2:

Today my friend Damian and I decided to take in the Jason Statham masterpiece Crank: High Voltage.

Here are a few words which will act as my review:

Bai Ling.
Horse racing.
Nipples (exposed AND removed.)
Being on fire.
Dwight Yokum.

It was glorious. And not recommended for humans.

Here is a helpful link to get in J. Statham shape.

TODAY IN TROUBLE:

Uh oh. My cat just meowed at me and my immediate response was "I KNOW I'm not doing anything with my life!"
\

He just jumped onto the key board and made that slash.

And that's my monday!

TODAY IN JACOBY ELLSBURY:

"....Heading home! Stealing home!!! And it works!!!"




Unreal. This was the first time I have even seen home stolen out of no where. And of course it's Ellsbury who never seems to make me fell anything but stoked about the Sox. Fuck yes.

The crowd applauded for a few minutes on their feet! The emotion in the announcers voice makes me tear up.

Go Sox.

TODAY IN LUTES:

Talk about the most underused instrument in modern music:



Where'd the lute go? I don't know.
Where'd the mother fucking lute go? I don't know.

TODAY IN LOVE THAT HEADLINE!:

NY1's Actual Headline:

The Installation of Bishop Timothy Dolan.

I hope he came with better instructions then my IKEA book shelf. That hex wrench is tricker then it looks!

TODAY IN THE BEST CHART I HAVE EVER SEEN:





I dare you to disagree.

TODAY IN I AM AWESOME AT SLEEPING:

Last night was the best sleeping ever. I feel asleep at 130am and had to wake up at 930am. But first I woke up at 7am, and went back to sleep knowing I had two and a half hours more to sleep (or the sleeping equivalent of a chocolate cream pie). THEN I dreamed about kittens and dogs and woke up and it was only 8am! Weee!!!! I feel back to sleep and woke at 845 which still gave me 45 minutes to lay in bed and feel good about myself.

Sleeping is my third favorite thing in the world. Because it is awesome.

In similar news, I got a massage yesterday and the therapist told me I was really good at relaxing. AKA - great at getting a massage.

I am better then you.

TODAY IN THE COMPLAIN TRAIN:



Hey, I'm G Train. I represent all dat is wrong with the MTA and so I wanted to take this time on dis blog to talk about some of da things dat we fuck up every day whiles you is riding your trains.

Like, for example, last night when you got on an A Train going local to Brooklyn, and then hey, at W. 4th da trains like, I'm goin go over the F line to Jay St/Burrough Hall! Which hey, is ok with you cause you live two stops from there so when the A turns back into an A you will be home, right? Well then you get to the first stop in Brooklyn (York) and you is all, wow this is a big empty station...and then the train is like, oh btw LAST STOP IS BORROUGH HALL and so you go, ok I could 1) Take the shuttle bus at 230am in downtown Brooklyn 2) get out in Dumbo and try to find a cab or 3) Get off the train and ride all the way back to Manhattan and switch to a D train that will at least get you within walking distance of your apartment in Ft. Greene.

So, you get off the train and wait for an uptown F to Broadway/Lafayette, 5 stations away. Then you get to Broadway/Lafayette and then you wait and wait and read 100 pages of "Mystic River" and then finally a D train comes and takes you to Atlantic/Pacific, which is only a 10 minute walk from your apartment. At 3am. So you call your boyfriend and wake him up and make him talk to you while you walk home because it's 3am and dark out.

Like that kind of example.

Oh yah! And then today a wiener dog was sitting on the only available seat on the train. I guess he had a long day of work on his feet in front of him.

Well, dat's about it. Sorry I lost my accent in that speech. Sometimes when I get super angry and complainy I talk all neutral.