TODAY IN SHOCKINGLY BAD ACCIDENTS:

Yesterday my mother's cat Marvin bit her so badly that she had to go to the hospital and get an IV drip of antibiotics. Apparently, cat’s teeth are so sharp that when they bite the hole just closes up behind the fang depositing all sorts of bacterium. Thankfully, she is fine. At least the last time I heard from her. But it does make you think of all the threats in your life that you didn’t even consider. Like…

Pillows: They could suffocate you in your sleep.

Couches: It could fall over and trap you underneath.

Tweezers: While plucking you eyebrows you could trip and stab your eye out.

Shoes: What if they had a bunch of tacks in there?

Pots and/Or pans: Falling on head potential is high.

Oven: Trip and fall into it.

Stove top: Try to make popcorn and you trip and fall face first into it.

Neighbors: Murderers?

Front Steps: Suddenly lava?

The Street: Could open up and enable you to fall down into the earth! Again- lava?

Sweaty palms: Fall to grasp a railing, plunge to death on…

Stairs: See above.

Subway doors: Slam on your face/Baby.

Coffee: To hot!!

Chicken: Under cooked.

Fish Stick: Poisoned?

Cockroach: What if it CRAWLS in your mouth at night?

My Coworker: Just look at him.

God. I’m amazed that I’ve lived this long.