Thursday, July 02, 2009

I am headed up to my old college next week to teach some bright young children how to improvise and act for film, IE things that I am mediocre at best at. Never the less I am really looking forward to spreading some words of wisdom and also sleeping in a shitty dorm for a few nights. Until I got the list of " items that you might want to bring to make your stay more comfortable."

Bedding and Towels

Additional Blanket
Additional Pillow and pillow case
Additional Towel

Wash cloth
Pool towel
* OK, so this means that we get one sheet and a shitty pillow, and one towel. That's fine, I mean, it's not a hotel or anything! Just a school we paid $160,000 to go to. Did I ever tell you about the time I slept through my 9am Architecture Lecture? I basically wasted $12,000. The only morning I stayed awake was 9-11 because there was a giant screen in the lecture hall.

Personal Toiletries
Toothbrush and toothpaste
Soap and shampoo
Cosmetics * This is the one that bothers me the most. Does this mean A) they WANT us to wear make up so we don't scare away the children by looking scrubby and artistic? or B) that some people might have assumed that the school would provide make up for us? I'm still going with my original plan and hitting the theatre make up to come to class dressed daily as Vampira, Frankensteins Monster, Bette Davis, Dr. Manhattan, or a girl that just got beat up.
Insect repellent
* In all, I am pretty insulted by this list. Why do they think I don't know to bring deodorant? Also, why is conditioner not listed?? Does this mean it WILL be provided? I have more questions now then before! That is until we got to :

Sleeping attire, robe and slippers * Sleeping attire....fine. Robe and slippers? That just says to me "don't let your skin touch the floor or the walls."
Shorts, light shirts, tee shirts... "you morons"
Lightweight long pants... "you fucking morons"
Lightweight jacket, sweater or sweatshirt... "in case it gets chilly, you stupid idiots"
Swimsuit (if using pool)... "I guess you'll need an explanation for the swim suits, you goons!"
Sneakers or other comfortable shoes..."Here have some options you FRICKEN RETARDS!"
Socks..."fuck you!"
Undergarments..."You would be too stupid to bring panties you moron SLC graduates!"

Lap top with cords (wireless service in select areas only—not dorms)
Small Flashlight * This one disturbs me. Does lights out mean every light? Even the stars??
Laundry bag, detergent, quarters for washer and dryer * That's ambitious.
Coat hangers * Just confusing. Let me check's summer still.
Cell phone and charger
..."you fucking idiots!!"
Kitchen utensils: Coffee cups, glasses, teapot, etc. * why???? what?
Fan * Really really bad sign. Also, really really fucked up. "You can stay here, but don't expect to be cool!!!!!!!"

All in all, I don't really know what to expect, except a bad nights sleep. But hey, that complimentary conditioner will cheer me up!


S.Parker81 said...

Coffeehouse party!!!

natalie said...

How many nights is this? Its like packing for a cruise for three weeks!

Lucas said...

This is the same list they send the kids on the program, guaranteed. They think they are the morons. Also, I'm going to write a book today so tomorrow you can tell your kids it is required reading and force them to buy it for the class. Take that, morons!

Abbi Crutchfield said...

LOLOL. And LOL to the comments. They forgot SHOWER SHOES! Please don't forget those.