Friday, March 14, 2008

The EPA put out a list today outlining all the counties in the US which had unbreathable air due to smog. As dramatic as this list is, I was more preoccupied with the variety of goof-tastic names that many of the state's counties were given. Phroofie's picks are below:

Best Counties (or Parishes) per state with unbreathable air:

Alabama; Shelby
What a nerd!

Arizona; Pinal.
What a gland!

Arkansas; Pulaski

I live near his bridge!

California; Shasta

Colorado; Arapahoe
An garden tool turned to hip hop!

Connecticut; Fairfield
As boring as the state is.

Delaware; New Castle
What a delicious, dark, malty county!

Florida; Bay
Nice creativity, genius'.

Georgia; a tie between Bipp and Gwinnett

The lost teletubbies.

Idaho: Ada
George Washington: "So, founders of Idaho, what will you name this county?"
Founders: "Ahhhhh duuuuh.....a?"
George Washington: "Oh god, what hath I begun?"

Illinois; Lake
Ah yah, the highly touted "Illinois lake region."

Indiana; Allen
I like things just named after some dude.

Kentucky; Oldham
Gross! Don't eat it then!

Louisiana; St. John the Baptist
Like Pulaski, SJtB really has a huge range of crap named after him.

Maine; Hancock
Simple instructions to achieve male pleasure.

Maryland; Prince George's
All right Prince George! It's all yours! What a baby!

Massachusetts; Barnstable
When in doubt just put two related nouns together and form a new word.

Michigan; Schoolcraft
See? The MA technique is a real winner.

Mississippi; Jackson
Cop out.

Missouri; Saint Louis vs. St. Louis City.

Seems a tiny bit redundant.

Nevada; Clark
What a nerd!

New Hampshire; Hillsborough
aka a place with a lot of hillsLIVE FREE OR DIE!!

New Jersey; Monmouth
Anything with "mouth" is hilarious, the suggested Jamaican accent at the top is the frosting.

New York; Rensselaer
Ooh la la!

North Carolina; Wake
How very uplifting.

Ohio; Portage
The act of carrying stuff!

Oklahoma; Cherokee/Comanche

Sort of ironic...we killed them all right?

Pennsylvania; Bucks
Just say it out loud and plaid flannel shirts appear in front of your minds eye.

Rhode Island; Washington
Aw. Little RI wants a capital of the nation too!

South Carolina; Darlington


Tennessee; Meigs
Cousin of the world "meh".

Texas; Hood
A county that asks you to look under it, and not even in an ironic way.

Utah; Utah
Utah, utah utah. Utah.

Virginia; Prince William

See Prince George? Thats they way to have your name on something with out being all possessive!

Washington DC; Washington DC
Utah, utah utah. Utah.

West Virginia; Wood


Wisconsin; Door

Utah, utah utah. Utah.

If you state isn't listed, breathe easy.


slanch said...

i love this

stupid iowa...

Phaea C. said...

Right? thanks!!

Kablack said...

what, no chattahootchie?

ok, it's a river, not a county. but it's things like the chattahootchie make living in Georgia tolerable.