TODAY IN CONSPIRACY THEORIES

I am a big supporter of paranoia because it makes life more interesting. Even when I'm having a great day that gentle worry at the back of my head that I could be killed by an anti-terrorist drone really keeps me on edge. That's why I find it extra important to believe every single conspiracy theory that I hear. For my edge. Thus, I present the:

Full List of Conspiracy Theories That I Believe! as of 4/22/2012

- JFK was an inside job by the FBI/LBJ/The Mob

- RFK was an inside job by LBJ (personal theory)

- Tupac faked his death and is living in Jamaica 

- 9-11 was an inside job/they knew it was going to happen and just didn't really stop it, plus they blew up the buildings to make it look better

- Flight 93 was shot down by the government

- Katie Holmes was pregnant with Chris Klein's baby when she met Tom Cruise and she faked being pregnant after the baby was born too early to make the Tom Cruise timeline. 

- Beyonce used a surrogate

- Trig is Bristol Palin's baby 

- Nicholas Cage/John Travolta are ageless vampires

- Courtney killed Kurt

- They faked the moon landing

- Roswell was real and covered up by the government

- The government listens to all of our phone calls and checks all of our Internet access legally, oh wait that is true. 

I don't believe that the rich are filling a rocket with resources and are planning to flee in the Earth before the comet hits in a few years, but I could be convinced. Very easily. 

And if you are a member of the government, I am totally joking. Hahahhah comedy blog.