TODAY IN: AN OPEN LETTER TO THAT JAMAICAN GUY WHO KEEPS CALLING THE ME AT THE UPRIGHT CITIZEN'S BRIGADE BOX OFFICE DURING MY INTERNSHIP:
The two times we have spoken have been very confusing. It's not just your thick accent, which makes me feel guilty for not being able to understand your words. It's more the fact that you seem to think that by talking to me, a lowly representative of the UCB theatre, you can get a show on Comedy Central. As I have explained to you twice now, I am an intern in a box office, and not a talent agent just answering phones hoping that an aggressive man claiming to be a starving actor and rambling unintelligibly on the hardships of the "acting business" will call so I can cast him in the role of new comedy star of the world. I just want to make that clear to you so we can avoid having this conversation for a third time. Because the guiltiness almost outweighs the hating you.
But in the end, I just hate you.
And would love to refer you to the website so you can explore our many class options!