TODAY IN CO-DEPENDENCE

My husband and I have a great relationship. We are there for each other, but give each other space. We share errands and household tasks. We let the other one watch what they want on TV. And we are romantic.

What we are not good at is being apart. Not because we miss each other so terribly, but because inevitably when one of us goes out of town the other one nearly dies. Take our last three sojourns apart:

1) Justin goes to LA. 20 minutes after he leaves, Phaea bends over and cracks her skull on the corner of an end table resulting in a bloody eyeball:

Graphic.

2) Phaea goes to Utah. Justin gets so drunk in the apartment that he passes out at 12am holding a container of his own vomit, which spills. Also, his punching hand is bleeding. Punchee = unknown.

3) Justin goes to LA again. A day later Phaea puts her hands in scalding hot water, mixes bleach and ammonia, and then almost drinks a glass of bleach.

It's romantic to say "I can't live with out you." But in this relationship it's more of a plea. 

UPDATE:

It's getting worse. Last night I was just in a separate room then Justin and I smacked my head so hard on the corner of my filing cabinet that it still hurts today:

The conversation after it happened went like this:

Me: Ahhhh! I hit my head really hard on the corner of....(forgot the word "filing cabinet")
Justin: On the what?
Me: WHY DOES THAT MATTER!

TODAY IN SHOCKINGLY BAD ACCIDENTS:

Yesterday my mother's cat Marvin bit her so badly that she had to go to the hospital and get an IV drip of antibiotics. Apparently, cat’s teeth are so sharp that when they bite the hole just closes up behind the fang depositing all sorts of bacterium. Thankfully, she is fine. At least the last time I heard from her. But it does make you think of all the threats in your life that you didn’t even consider. Like…

Pillows: They could suffocate you in your sleep.

Couches: It could fall over and trap you underneath.

Tweezers: While plucking you eyebrows you could trip and stab your eye out.

Shoes: What if they had a bunch of tacks in there?

Pots and/Or pans: Falling on head potential is high.

Oven: Trip and fall into it.

Stove top: Try to make popcorn and you trip and fall face first into it.

Neighbors: Murderers?

Front Steps: Suddenly lava?

The Street: Could open up and enable you to fall down into the earth! Again- lava?

Sweaty palms: Fall to grasp a railing, plunge to death on…

Stairs: See above.

Subway doors: Slam on your face/Baby.

Coffee: To hot!!

Chicken: Under cooked.

Fish Stick: Poisoned?

Cockroach: What if it CRAWLS in your mouth at night?

My Coworker: Just look at him.

God. I’m amazed that I’ve lived this long.