Here's to you Jonathan Papelbon with your lovely legs and broomstick guitar.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
TODAY IN HALLOWEEN TREATS:
The full version of Warewolf Bar Mitzvah from 30 Rock.
Basically the greatest thing the world has ever seen.
The full version of Warewolf Bar Mitzvah from 30 Rock.
Basically the greatest thing the world has ever seen.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
TODAY IN TUESDAY OCT 30th:
McCanns admit using Madeleine fund to pay mortgage.
More disturbingly, they have also begun referring to their
two remaining children as “Hawaiian Vacation” and “Matching Ferrari's”
TV raises blood pressure in obese kids: study.
I wish this headline said: fat kids get stressed out by Hannah Montana!
Lion may be loose in W. Virginia woods.
Apparently he got stuck in that DC traffic and was just like, fuck it, ‘ima gonna just live here.”
Jury selected for Anna Nicole son case.
12 people that had no prior knowledge of the case…which means they don’t read entertainment news...which means…my god! This will be a fair trial judged by intelligent and logical people!
Then the Earth exploded.
McCanns admit using Madeleine fund to pay mortgage.
More disturbingly, they have also begun referring to their
two remaining children as “Hawaiian Vacation” and “Matching Ferrari's”
TV raises blood pressure in obese kids: study.
I wish this headline said: fat kids get stressed out by Hannah Montana!
Lion may be loose in W. Virginia woods.
Apparently he got stuck in that DC traffic and was just like, fuck it, ‘ima gonna just live here.”
Jury selected for Anna Nicole son case.
12 people that had no prior knowledge of the case…which means they don’t read entertainment news...which means…my god! This will be a fair trial judged by intelligent and logical people!
Then the Earth exploded.
Monday, October 29, 2007
TODAY IN THE RED SOX SWEPT THE WORLD SERIES:
The Red Sox swept the world series. It was awesome. Because the Red Sox are awesome. And all Red Sox fans are awesome. And Mike Lowell is awesome. And Dustin Pedroia is awesome. And Jonathan Papelbon is awesome. And you know what else is awesome:
Starfaced mole says: "See you all in April, you fucks!!"
("wow", she said to her self, "that was a great blog post.")
The Red Sox swept the world series. It was awesome. Because the Red Sox are awesome. And all Red Sox fans are awesome. And Mike Lowell is awesome. And Dustin Pedroia is awesome. And Jonathan Papelbon is awesome. And you know what else is awesome:
Starfaced mole says: "See you all in April, you fucks!!"
("wow", she said to her self, "that was a great blog post.")
Friday, October 26, 2007
TODAY IN FRIDAY 10.26.07
Spears-Federline custody case to resume.
Thank god! Those boys have been in a stable environment for almost three days!
Paris Hilton's trip to Rwanda postponed
A thousand orphaned children breathe a sigh of relief.
R.I. man sues Jim Belushi over used SUV
Like that time that a P.E.I man sued John Belushi over a used BMW, only not as funny or talented.
Red Sox win game 2.
:)
Spears-Federline custody case to resume.
Thank god! Those boys have been in a stable environment for almost three days!
Paris Hilton's trip to Rwanda postponed
A thousand orphaned children breathe a sigh of relief.
R.I. man sues Jim Belushi over used SUV
Like that time that a P.E.I man sued John Belushi over a used BMW, only not as funny or talented.
Red Sox win game 2.
:)
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
TODAY IN 10.23.07:
`Sopranos' creator defends famous finale.
Uncle Junior was really gay!
British, Dutch police close pirate site.
Words cannot describe my disappointment when I finally realized they were talking about stealing music.
Beatles, Elvis shop owners work it out.
I’m assuming it was a “dance off/pants off” type throw down.
“Close Friends” of Britney urge public to boycott her new album; start a myspace page.
Now thats the way to run a protest!
`Sopranos' creator defends famous finale.
Uncle Junior was really gay!
British, Dutch police close pirate site.
Words cannot describe my disappointment when I finally realized they were talking about stealing music.
Beatles, Elvis shop owners work it out.
I’m assuming it was a “dance off/pants off” type throw down.
“Close Friends” of Britney urge public to boycott her new album; start a myspace page.
Now thats the way to run a protest!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
TODAY IN HEADLINES! 10.18.07
Judge yanks Britney's visitation rights.
“Oh that’s fine.” Replied Britney. Then they told her it was visitation rights with her dog and she screamed and cried and threw herself under a train. The end!
Mutts and Moms, the nonprofit dog-rescue organization that originally gave DeGeneres her dog, has been receiving death threats.
…Ellen’s fan base sure has a lot of free time on their hands….
Deborah Kerr and Joey Bishop both die.
And so the last embers of class and comedy finally go out of Hollywood.
Swearing at work boosts team spirit, morale.
Because it gets you fired! Hurrah!
Judge yanks Britney's visitation rights.
“Oh that’s fine.” Replied Britney. Then they told her it was visitation rights with her dog and she screamed and cried and threw herself under a train. The end!
Mutts and Moms, the nonprofit dog-rescue organization that originally gave DeGeneres her dog, has been receiving death threats.
…Ellen’s fan base sure has a lot of free time on their hands….
Deborah Kerr and Joey Bishop both die.
And so the last embers of class and comedy finally go out of Hollywood.
Swearing at work boosts team spirit, morale.
Because it gets you fired! Hurrah!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
TODAY IN HEADLINES 10.15.07:
Lynch promotes meditation on Israel trip.
Of course, to David Lynch, meditation involves an angry cowboy fighting a flying cow with a violet wash over a really random full frontal sex scene.
Nicky Hilton's Chick line girly, playful.
As opposed to her sister’s line which is trashy, vomitful.
Led Zeppelin is going digital next month.
I always said ipod lazer shows were the wave of the future.
Rice: Now is time for Palestinian state.
“…state of CONFUSION!” she adds “…Ohh!!! Burn!” High fives AP reporter.
Lynch promotes meditation on Israel trip.
Of course, to David Lynch, meditation involves an angry cowboy fighting a flying cow with a violet wash over a really random full frontal sex scene.
Nicky Hilton's Chick line girly, playful.
As opposed to her sister’s line which is trashy, vomitful.
Led Zeppelin is going digital next month.
I always said ipod lazer shows were the wave of the future.
Rice: Now is time for Palestinian state.
“…state of CONFUSION!” she adds “…Ohh!!! Burn!” High fives AP reporter.
Friday, October 12, 2007
TODAY IN TWO AWESOME THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY:
1) I walked into the E train station in Long Island City to see a middle aged business man in a physical fight with an aging punk dude with a ring through his nose, high school pushing/shoving style. People were screaming and two other guys pulled them apart. The punk guy shouted "You're stupid! You're dumb!" as passerbys handed the business man his blackberry and expensive umbrella.
2) This IM converstaion between me and my buddy Justin (with whom I am attending a wedding in a few weeks):
phaeatown: insert daily complaint about work
drzaius234: insert reply of empathy and further complaint
phaeatown: insert slightly provocative joke referring to up coming nuptials
drzaius234: insert slightly more provocative comment about hotel rooms
phaeatown: insert cold comment which suggests you've taken things too far
drzaius234: insert backtracking, inquiry about weekend plans
phaeatown: insert exciting and even more provocative comment about being all alone and needing some one tall to help me lay some carpet
(seconds pass)
phaeatown: insert awkward statement claiming that was a joke because of your length in response time
drzaius234: insert statement about being in multiple conversations causing delay, as well as complexity of convention
phaeatown: insert embarrassed and understanding statement
drzaius234: insert smarmy comment about laying carpet being a specialty
phaeatown: insert shock and disgust and address: 54 India St Apt 2
phaeatown: and scene!
1) I walked into the E train station in Long Island City to see a middle aged business man in a physical fight with an aging punk dude with a ring through his nose, high school pushing/shoving style. People were screaming and two other guys pulled them apart. The punk guy shouted "You're stupid! You're dumb!" as passerbys handed the business man his blackberry and expensive umbrella.
2) This IM converstaion between me and my buddy Justin (with whom I am attending a wedding in a few weeks):
phaeatown: insert daily complaint about work
drzaius234: insert reply of empathy and further complaint
phaeatown: insert slightly provocative joke referring to up coming nuptials
drzaius234: insert slightly more provocative comment about hotel rooms
phaeatown: insert cold comment which suggests you've taken things too far
drzaius234: insert backtracking, inquiry about weekend plans
phaeatown: insert exciting and even more provocative comment about being all alone and needing some one tall to help me lay some carpet
(seconds pass)phaeatown: insert awkward statement claiming that was a joke because of your length in response time
drzaius234: insert statement about being in multiple conversations causing delay, as well as complexity of convention
phaeatown: insert embarrassed and understanding statement
drzaius234: insert smarmy comment about laying carpet being a specialty
phaeatown: insert shock and disgust and address: 54 India St Apt 2
phaeatown: and scene!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
TODAY IN 10.11.07
New Zune unveiled
Two people in Alaska rush out and buy it.
Smoking in cars with minors banned in Calif.
And Riding in Cars with Boys banned from Drew Barrymores's resume.
Afghans cracking down on security firms
Leaders complain the country has "far too much security as it is, what with America not declaring war on us or antyhing."
McCartney to pay $102 mil in divorce
Bill arrived at Michael Jackson's house.
New Zune unveiled
Two people in Alaska rush out and buy it.
Smoking in cars with minors banned in Calif.
And Riding in Cars with Boys banned from Drew Barrymores's resume.
Afghans cracking down on security firms
Leaders complain the country has "far too much security as it is, what with America not declaring war on us or antyhing."
McCartney to pay $102 mil in divorce
Bill arrived at Michael Jackson's house.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
TODAY IN 10.10.07
Witherspoon-Phillippe divorce is final
This was what its like when blonds collide!!!
Drew Carey: born to be a game-show host
Ironically, this was the very put down that he was taunted with by all the popular kids in high school.
NJ workers suspended in Clooney breach
What! They led us to believe this whole time that Clooney was impenetrable!
Palestinians open to possible Land Swap
…the hilarious new Fox reality show!
Witherspoon-Phillippe divorce is final
This was what its like when blonds collide!!!
Drew Carey: born to be a game-show host
Ironically, this was the very put down that he was taunted with by all the popular kids in high school.
NJ workers suspended in Clooney breach
What! They led us to believe this whole time that Clooney was impenetrable!
Palestinians open to possible Land Swap
…the hilarious new Fox reality show!
Monday, October 08, 2007
TODAY IN FOUR A DAY: the late addition
(which means I just grab the head line and don't read the articles)
Mila Kunis says Culkin cooks every night
Oh YARG I don't want to know that! Oh...unless she means he physically cooks
meals... then I just don't give a shit. Why are we talking about this?
Red Sox Sweep Angels.
It's that special time of year when Bostonians are obnoxiously cocky for a reason: because their team won. Soon to be followed by that special time of year when they are just obnoxiously cocky: the rest of it.
Britain to half troop contingent in Iraq.
They're still there!? They've been there the whole time?! People, this must have been the problem!!
Urine as fertilizer?
That's the answer Britney gave when the paparazzi asked her why she was sitting in that potted palm tree in the Four Seasons Hotel. Oh!!!!!!! Burn!!!!!
(which means I just grab the head line and don't read the articles)
Mila Kunis says Culkin cooks every night
Oh YARG I don't want to know that! Oh...unless she means he physically cooks
meals... then I just don't give a shit. Why are we talking about this?
Red Sox Sweep Angels.
It's that special time of year when Bostonians are obnoxiously cocky for a reason: because their team won. Soon to be followed by that special time of year when they are just obnoxiously cocky: the rest of it.
Britain to half troop contingent in Iraq.
They're still there!? They've been there the whole time?! People, this must have been the problem!!
Urine as fertilizer?
That's the answer Britney gave when the paparazzi asked her why she was sitting in that potted palm tree in the Four Seasons Hotel. Oh!!!!!!! Burn!!!!!
Friday, October 05, 2007
TODAY IN FOUR A DAY:
Bush says US 'does not torture'.
Moments later adds “Oh wait that’s not the darn word…I meant to say “nurture” the US does not NURTURE terrorists. Yah, we torture them all over the place.”
Hungary hosts Rubik's Cube championship.
And the country slips deeper into obscurity.
Oprah announces next book club pick: “Love in the Time of Cholera.”
Hmmm a book that was published in 1985 gets recommended two months before New Line Cinema puts the movie out? What a startling coincidence!
Blanchett plays Dylan and wonders will fans get it?
America confused. America no understand lady who play man. America only like Travolta to do that.
Bush says US 'does not torture'.
Moments later adds “Oh wait that’s not the darn word…I meant to say “nurture” the US does not NURTURE terrorists. Yah, we torture them all over the place.”
Hungary hosts Rubik's Cube championship.
And the country slips deeper into obscurity.
Oprah announces next book club pick: “Love in the Time of Cholera.”
Hmmm a book that was published in 1985 gets recommended two months before New Line Cinema puts the movie out? What a startling coincidence!
Blanchett plays Dylan and wonders will fans get it?
America confused. America no understand lady who play man. America only like Travolta to do that.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
TODAY IN FOUR-A-DAY:
About 2,700 safe from S. Africa mine.
Apparently, South Africa’s saving-people-from-collapsed-mine technology is light years ahead of our own.
Judge denies Craig motion to revoke guilty plea.
Adds “Look, your plea was born that way. You just need to accept your plea and let us all move on. ”
House OKs bill to prosecute US contractors in Iraq.
Apparently if you send contractors over seas they gun down dozens of Iraqis….and still won’t return your phone calls about your half finished bathroom renovation.
Sputnik was 50 years ago.
“When President Kennedy announced the moon landing program, Korolyov rushed to Soviet leader Nikita S. Khrushchev to seek funds to compete with the Americans. But Khrushchev saw a moon race as a waste of money: "Nikita Sergeyevich didn't want to take part in the moon race. Food and housing were the top priorities."”- Yahoo News
Ha, Ha, Ha. Food and housing! Ha, ha, ha. We own the moon.
About 2,700 safe from S. Africa mine.
Apparently, South Africa’s saving-people-from-collapsed-mine technology is light years ahead of our own.
Judge denies Craig motion to revoke guilty plea.
Adds “Look, your plea was born that way. You just need to accept your plea and let us all move on. ”
House OKs bill to prosecute US contractors in Iraq.
Apparently if you send contractors over seas they gun down dozens of Iraqis….and still won’t return your phone calls about your half finished bathroom renovation.
Sputnik was 50 years ago.
“When President Kennedy announced the moon landing program, Korolyov rushed to Soviet leader Nikita S. Khrushchev to seek funds to compete with the Americans. But Khrushchev saw a moon race as a waste of money: "Nikita Sergeyevich didn't want to take part in the moon race. Food and housing were the top priorities."”- Yahoo News
Ha, Ha, Ha. Food and housing! Ha, ha, ha. We own the moon.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
TODAY IN FOUR JOKES OF THE DAY:
Radiohead offers CD for any price over the Internet.
…and Heidi Montag’s upcoming CD will cost $15.
Asteroid named 7307 Takei for ‘Star Trek’ actor.
It was a birthday present from www.buyastar.net courtesy of one W. Shatner. When Takei received the official document in the mail he was heard to remark: “what the hell kind of crap ass gift is this?”
Isiah Thomas accuser gets $11.6M in sex harassment case, to be paid by Madison Square Gardens.
Isiah free to continue harassment, consequence free.
Anna Nicole Smith book prompts $60M suit.
The suit was filed by the American public after being forced to think about Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead “doing it”.
Radiohead offers CD for any price over the Internet.
…and Heidi Montag’s upcoming CD will cost $15.
Asteroid named 7307 Takei for ‘Star Trek’ actor.
It was a birthday present from www.buyastar.net courtesy of one W. Shatner. When Takei received the official document in the mail he was heard to remark: “what the hell kind of crap ass gift is this?”
Isiah Thomas accuser gets $11.6M in sex harassment case, to be paid by Madison Square Gardens.
Isiah free to continue harassment, consequence free.
Anna Nicole Smith book prompts $60M suit.
The suit was filed by the American public after being forced to think about Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead “doing it”.
Monday, October 01, 2007
TODAY IN I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE SHOCKED BUT I AM:
Rock-Bottom Britney lost custody of her kids! I really can't believe it! I think I would feel better if they were going to Lynn or christ even Jaime-Lynn, (Ala when they took Francis Bean away from Courtney and gave her to her grandparents), but the court gave them to Kevin...who was not the greatest father when he was married....But sure cleaned up quick when Brit started acting all Crazy Town.
Amazing.
I guess photo ops really mean a lot in the world of custody battles!!!
Rock-Bottom Britney lost custody of her kids! I really can't believe it! I think I would feel better if they were going to Lynn or christ even Jaime-Lynn, (Ala when they took Francis Bean away from Courtney and gave her to her grandparents), but the court gave them to Kevin...who was not the greatest father when he was married....But sure cleaned up quick when Brit started acting all Crazy Town.
Amazing.
I guess photo ops really mean a lot in the world of custody battles!!!
TODAY IN PAMELA ANDERSON IS GETTING MARRIED AGAIN:
LAS VEGAS - Wedding bells might not be far off for Pamela Anderson.
The former 'Baywatch' star and Rick Salomon applied for — and were granted — a marriage license late Saturday in Las Vegas, according to the Clark County's Marriage License Bureau.
- Yahoo News
As we all know Rick Salomon was the Co-Star of Paris' sex video. I think he is a "profession poker player."
And of course, we all remember the last time Pam got married 30 seconds ago to Kid Rock in 40 ceremonies around the world on a cruise ship.
I really blame society for this one. Why? Because we stand back in these famous peoples entourages and shadowy fan bases and when they do fucking crazy ass things (see: Michael Jackson's face and body), no one will call them out on it. Or at least go, hey, I know you are really rich and what not, but this is a fucking crazy thing to do. You should stop and then we will commit you as well because you are fucking crazy you crazy fucking rich crazy fucking celebrity.
If I was there, I would do it. I really would. I could be like the guy who serves people divorce papers and paternity suit. Hated, but justified. Like a bounty hunter for crazy. If there is an opening for that in Hollywood, please let me know.
LAS VEGAS - Wedding bells might not be far off for Pamela Anderson.
The former 'Baywatch' star and Rick Salomon applied for — and were granted — a marriage license late Saturday in Las Vegas, according to the Clark County's Marriage License Bureau.
- Yahoo News
As we all know Rick Salomon was the Co-Star of Paris' sex video. I think he is a "profession poker player."
And of course, we all remember the last time Pam got married 30 seconds ago to Kid Rock in 40 ceremonies around the world on a cruise ship.
I really blame society for this one. Why? Because we stand back in these famous peoples entourages and shadowy fan bases and when they do fucking crazy ass things (see: Michael Jackson's face and body), no one will call them out on it. Or at least go, hey, I know you are really rich and what not, but this is a fucking crazy thing to do. You should stop and then we will commit you as well because you are fucking crazy you crazy fucking rich crazy fucking celebrity.
If I was there, I would do it. I really would. I could be like the guy who serves people divorce papers and paternity suit. Hated, but justified. Like a bounty hunter for crazy. If there is an opening for that in Hollywood, please let me know.
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